How to Scare Off Web Site Visitors

    1. Have a site that looks like it was created in 1980. Create full screen width pages, without text formatting. Also, make sure to have many bright colors and lots of unrelated animated gif. Another cool trick is to make each page a different layout and color.
    2. Font sizes should be no more than 8 points in size. The color should be close to the color of the page background. Also, don’t use titles or header tags. Always include text over your images. Be sure to select a color that will best obscure the image.
    3. Require an email login in order to view your site. (This should be required for secure areas of your site. Don’t use in on the front page. Explain why they must log in.)
    4. Auto play videos with a super loud sound track. (I really hate to admit, I’m guilty of this one.)
    5. A related item, sites with background music or sound. (Nothing tells your co-workers you’re screwing off like a sudden loud sound.)
    6. Over designed your site with all the bells and whistles. Show your visitor you know how to create a site. So what if they can’t find anything. Hey, it was a challenge to create the site, it should be a challenge to navigate through it.
    7. As visitors may never click another link on your site, it would be best to post all your content on your home page. (So what if it scrolls forever and looks like War & Peace.)
    8. Other good tip, be sure to include lots of popups. Make sure every time a visitor moves the mouse over anything; you popup another window. This way the visitor will understand what your site is all about. (Popups are to website what footnotes are to books.)
    9. A good site has at least one slideshow, 5 or 6 animated gif and at least two movies on the home page. They must include no less than six or seven bright colors and 10 to 12 font styles. (A font should never be larger than 12 points. If grandpa can’t read it, too bad.)
    10. Your site navigation should be extremely well done. It must include several steps to get to the next page, with no way to go back to the prior page. (Be sure each page opens in the same window.) This will allow you to take the visitor on a tour of your site. Animation and sound is always a tasteful addition. Also be sure to make your most important content, such as contact information, hard to find. It might even be best to not make to page active. This will cause your visitor to spend hours looking through your site.
    11. Still another good tip is to fill your pages with non-related information. Ads, cute kitten pictures, photos of family (stocker’s love photo of your kids) and other such stuff will keep the visitor amused while searching for information on your site.
    12. It’s best not to include related images to your pages. They only distract from your text and animated gifs. If you must use related images, make sure they are too small to view.

     

    I really hate to say there are still a lot of these sites out there. If you find one, maybe refer them to this article. Usually, it’s someone’s son created it.

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